How many SCAF generals does it take to screw on a lightbulb?

(This post is motivated by today's performance by General Adel Emara, in the press conference today in which he explained that the military did not shoot or run over anyone on October 9, among other things.)

Possible answers:

• The screwing-on of lightbulbs is a sacred national duty that will be carried out with due haste with by appropriate number of generals according to a set but secret timetable.
• The inability to restore the lighbulb to its rightful function is the work of infiltrators and saboteurs!
• A foreign hand has stolen the lightbulb, but its plots will be foiled.
• No foreign agenda can dictate to us what to do with the lightbulb!
• Despite reports and video evidence to the contrary, we assure you that the lightbulb is fully functioning.
• Together, the SCAF and the people will ensure that all lightbulbs everywhere are screwed on with one hand!
• We refuse the lightbulb's resignation and order it to return to its socket immediately!
• How do you know about the lightbulb, spy?

I urge you to contribute your own in the comments.

Comments

[SP]

Corollary to SCAF and people being one hand - the SCAF's hand may be screwing lightbulbs into the shaab's collective rear but they're still protecting your ass. Be grateful.

[Dalia Malek]

The lightbulb slept in tents with other lightbulbs, so SCAF had to screw in the lightbulb to make sure the lightbulb had never been screwed before.

[AM]

The light bulb fought in the 1956, 1967 and 1973 wars and can not possibly be old or defective

[HS]

Sorry, the SCAF is too busy right now screwing everybody else. No time for light bulbs.

[Lissnup]

We didn't call this press conference to answer lightbulb questions! Anyone interrupting will be ejected!
We have no information about defective lightbulbs. Our lighting has many enemies.
I ask you to consider the feelings of the enlisted man, in fear of his life, when performing changing of the lightbulb duty
Many more lights would be working, but our men were deliberately issued with dummy lightbulbs.
It is the responsibility of the general public, not SCAF, to protect their lightbulbs. We've told them this.
Any attempts to to change lightbulbs illegally will be met with the full force of the law.

[sams88]

These aren't the Lightbulbs you are looking for.

The Lighbuld had to be reeducated ... self-screwing without scarf approval is a crime.

[Ben H]

It may take us until 2013 to screw on the lightbulb. We have no desire to screw on lightbulbs and would gladly hand over the task to elected, civilian lightbulb-screwers, but sadly they are an incompetent rabble who don't know one end of a lightbulb from the other and are simply not up to the job. So we will have to carry on screwing for a while yet.

[Adel Zekri]

SCAF denies virginity tests on any light bulbs

[Ahmed M. Hamdy]

We want our lightbulb back you shit-headed meat sacks! #noSCAF

[David Mikhail]

Instead of screwing in the lightbulb, they will just replace the minister of electricity and energy.